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News of the Week: New iPhones Are Coming, Nude Restaurants Are Closing, and Stephen King Saves Book Reviews

First page of the story, "The Case of the Careless Kitten"

Name Me

Pricey Apple,

I’ve been an enormous fan and consumer of your merchandise since the mid-’80s — I used the SE and Basic fashions, that cool Bondi Blue iMac, and I’m typing this on a MacBook Professional. I owned an Apple mug, I’ve owned Apple hats and shirts, and my favourite sort of pie is apple. However I don’t actually care that you simply’re popping out with new iPhones in the fall.

I’m positive there are Apple followers who will weblog about them endlessly and even camp out at your shops in a single day to get one (although they will simply log on and purchase them in the consolation of their houses), and I’m positive these new telephones can be good and shiny, however in the finish, they’re telephones. You can also make the display greater and brighter and have the digital camera make each photograph seem like Ansel Adams took it, however it’s only a telephone.

Should you make one which comes with an invisible cone of silence that envelopes the consumer so I don’t need to take heed to their telephone calls at the grocery store, let me know. Truly, in the event you come out with a line of landline telephones in black that plug into the wall and have a rotary dial, I’ll purchase 50 of them.

Thanks.

Eating in the Buff Will By no means Catch On

Sure, there was a nude restaurant in Paris, which raises so much of questions. The place did individuals carry their keys and telephones? The place did they hold their cash and bank cards to pay? Should you needed to eat there in your garments, would they’ve allow you to?

It’s a moot level now, since O’naturel (which of course it was named) is closing its doorways as a result of there haven’t been sufficient clients. Patrons have been requested to take away their clothes after they got here into the restaurant, and then they have been charged $57.50 for a meal of foie gras, lobster, and (as a result of it’s France) snails. It sounds uncomfortable to me, however I guess it minimize down on individuals who dine and sprint, as a result of they wouldn’t need to run out with out their garments.

I might by no means go to a nude restaurant. I imply, I’m not often nude in my own residence, so I’m definitely not going to exit to a restaurant and eat that method.

The Hen Field Problem

Have you ever heard of the new Netflix film Hen Field? It stars Sandra Bullock and is a few world the place individuals are pressured by creatures to kill themselves in the event that they take a look at them, so everybody goes round with a blindfold on. Might this film probably encourage individuals to do some actually dumb issues? Sure it might!

Individuals are testing if they will carry out numerous duties whereas blindfolded, together with driving, which is what a Utah 17-year-old was doing when he crashed his automotive. Who might have recognized that you simply won’t have the ability to drive whereas blindfolded? They in all probability don’t train that in highschool anymore. Fortunately he and his feminine passenger weren’t significantly injured.

So please add “driving your car while blindfolded” to the listing of web challenges you shouldn’t take part in, together with “eating Tide pods,” “jumping out of a moving car to dance,” and “downing so much cinnamon you make yourself really sick.” The truth is, in the event you see one thing on-line that has the phrase “challenge” in it (and it’s not this one), simply say no.

Stephen King Actually Does Management Publishing

We maintain listening to that print newspapers are dying, that reporters are being laid off, and that complete sections are being gotten smaller or minimize all collectively. Most of the time it’s the arts protection that will get killed, as a result of newspapers often see these sections as the most expendable (which appears odd to me, however that’s a rant for an additional day). The Portland Press Herald just lately despatched out a tweet saying that they have been getting rid of native freelance guide evaluations, and it caught the consideration of a sure Maine writer named Stephen King. He wasn’t glad about it, and the paper despatched out one other tweet saying that if 100 of his followers purchased digital subscriptions, they might change their thoughts. You’ll be able to guess what occurred subsequent.

If 100 readers of this column purchase a print/digital subscription to the Publish by the finish of this weekend, I’ll dine nude at a restaurant. Even when it’s not a nude restaurant.

Perhaps Emily Blunt Can Play Della Road?

I’ve been watching so much of Perry Mason recently, each night time on MeTV. I’m stunned that there hasn’t been a reboot of the present, since each different present has come again, and a lawyer-whodunit drama looks like one thing that could possibly be common. Apparently Robert Downey Jr. thinks so too, as he’ll be producing a brand new tackle the character for HBO.

Will probably be a restricted collection that takes place in 1932, with Mason on his first case as an investigator earlier than he turns into an lawyer. And since there apparently aren’t sufficient American actors for the position, this time he’ll be performed by a Brit, Matthew Rhys of The People.

I’ll make a prediction proper now that even when this present is implausible, it gained’t be Perry Mason. Raymond Burr is so recognized in the position, enjoying him in such a selected means, that this could’t be something however a present — perhaps even an amazing one — about an lawyer who occurs to have the identify “Perry Mason.” Networks don’t appear to know that it takes extra than simply plugging one other actor into a task to make it the similar factor (see additionally: the Magnum, P.I. remake, the Charlie’s Angels films, and the MacGyver replace).

Or perhaps I’m simply being overly protecting of the character, as Erle Stanley Gardner wrote a number of Perry Mason tales for the Submit all through the ’40s and ’50s, together with “The Case of the Careless Kitten” from the Might 23, 1942, challenge.

Learn “The Case of the Careless Kitten” from the Might 23, 1942 difficulty of the Submit. Develop into a subscriber to realize entry to all of the points of The Saturday Night Submit courting again to 1821.

RIP Carol Channing, Verna Bloom, John Falsey, Mel Stottlemyre, and W. Morgan Sheppard

Carol Channing was a Broadway legend and three-time Tony winner who starred in such exhibits as Gents Choose Blondes, Fantastic City, Present Woman, and Whats up, Dolly. She was additionally nominated for an Oscar for her position in Completely Trendy Millie. Channing died Tuesday at the age of 97.

Verna Bloom performed Dean Wormer’s spouse in Animal Home and appeared in lots of different movies, together with Medium Cool, Excessive Plains Drifter, and The Final Temptation of Christ. She died final week at the age of 80.

John Falsey created two iconic TV exhibits, St. Elsewhere and Northern Publicity, and wrote for and produced many different collection, together with The White Shadow, Superb Tales, and I’ll Fly Away. He died earlier this month at the age of 67.

Mel Stottlemyre was an All-Star pitcher for the New York Yankees and later a pitching coach for the Yankees and the New York Mets. He died final week at the age of 77.

W. Morgan Sheppard was a veteran character actor who appeared in such TV exhibits as MacGyver (the unique one), Mad Males, Frasier, Seaquest 2032, Max Headroom, and Physician Who. He additionally appeared in lots of of the Star Trek films and exhibits. He died final weekend at the age of 86.

Image of the Week

zero for three? This child ought to get an A+.

Give this child a job pic.twitter.com/8jQAPqi8yF

— Books and Wine (@booksandwine76) January 14, 2019

This Week in Historical past

Andy Rooney Born (January 14, 1919)

The essayist and 60 Minutes commentator would have turned 100 this week. Right here’s an interview the Submit did with Rooney in 1984, and right here’s the terrific DVD set that CBS put collectively which showcases some of his greatest TV essays.

Nice Boston Molasses Flood (January 15, 1919)

This week additionally marked 100 years since one of the more odd accidents in U.S. historical past. An enormous metal tank exploded in Boston’s North Finish, sending a 15-foot wave of molasses down the road, killing 21 and injuring many others. The Boston Globe has a captivating take a look at the accident.

This Week in Saturday Night Submit Historical past: Mistaken Week at the Ski Resort (January 14, 1961)

Improper Week at the Ski Resort

Typically I’m hesitant to confess that I don’t perceive one of our journal covers. I’m afraid that I’m simply being a dolt and what the cowl means is totally apparent to everybody in the world besides me. Having stated that … I don’t get this cowl by James Williamson. Why is it the incorrect week at the ski resort? Why are the ladies taking a look at the man like that? It’s not like he’s carrying golf golf equipment. He’s carrying skis.

Let me know what the cowl means in the feedback under so I’ll really feel like an fool.

Nationwide Oatmeal Month

One of my New Yr’s resolutions is to eat extra oatmeal. I do know that looks like an oddly particular decision, however judging from the advertisements, it’s higher for you than penicillin and will remedy any sort of ailment you’ve gotten. The individuals who make up the meals holidays should understand that quite a bit of individuals resolve to eat wholesome oatmeal in January as a result of it’s Nationwide Oatmeal Month.

You can go the straightforward route and simply purchase a field of Quaker packets (that’s often my go-to), however you can also make your personal too. And after you make that, you can also make these Apple Oatmeal Squares, this Irish Guinness Oatmeal Cake, or Norman Rockwell’s Oatmeal Cookies.

And do me a favor: Eat them together with your garments on.

Subsequent Week’s Holidays and Occasions

Martin Luther King Jr. Day (January 21)

After the March on Washington in 1963, many individuals thought that change was coming too shortly to the nation, so King gave this response in the Submit.

Academy Award Nominations (January 22)

I’m woefully behind in my movie-watching. Each time I learn Invoice Newcott’s column, I say to myself, “Oh, I have to see that movie, and that one, and that one …” I don’t assume I noticed any films in the theater final yr, although I lastly noticed The Form of Water, from two years in the past, on HBO just lately. In case you watch extra films than I do and plan to observe the Oscars, the nominations will probably be introduced on the Oscars website and their social media channels at 9 a.m. ET. They’ll in all probability be introduced on some TV networks as properly, however that’s often considerably random.

The 90th awards present will air on ABC on February 24 at eight p.m.

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